Rules are simple. You laugh, you lose, and you must positive thank that user.

I'll start

One day there was a man. He was going on vacation to learn new words. First, he watched the movie 'Superman' and remembered the word 'Superman'. Then, he went to a restaurant and the waiter said "Forks and knives" and he remembered the words 'Forks and knives'. Then he saw a police car. A woman was walking by and died in the middle of nowhere. The police officer said:

Police: Did you kill that woman?
Man: .... YAHA YA
Police: What did you kill her with?
Man: ...forks and knives.
Police: WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?
Man: IMA SUPERMAN!

i have a few.
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My Work History:

• My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.

• Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

• After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it ...mainly because it was a so-so job.

• Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

• Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

• I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

• My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

• I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

• Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

• I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

• I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

• So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

• After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

• My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

Balls.